Butterfly~Shaman

Long time, no chat!

2007-01-20T22:28:00.000-08:00

I'm being called back to this, finally. I have notes in here saved from items that I had started but never finished. I'm sure they will come to light soon.

I haven't stopped on my path. In fact, I've been very busy. Busy? Yeah!

I have been learning. Last year was a very hard time to jump into the fire blindly but I did and I learned. I learned what it feels like to do a soul retrieval and forget to give the piece to the recipient. I learned what it felt like to walk among the dis-eased and I found that slowly, the numbers of those who are warriors in that place, are growing. I learned how to walk through a house and clean it without fear.

Wait.....let me elaborate a bit more......

I found out that this time last year, I did things that were way advanced for where I'm at. I visited Bear in Winter's slumber and found the key to do more work in the dream state then most shamans do in their ecstasy state. A very powerful tool. This work required soul retrievals and I did two in the course of one night. I ended up running back and forth between here and there several times for several reasons and the outcome left me ill. But I did it, and I did well. The illness came from not returning the pieces that I was retrieving. It came to a point where I was "rescuing" people I didn't even know. I don't know why....I just was. But it must have been for a reason because they eventually found their homes and I recovered.

Along my voyage, I found that the number of "warriors" out there are increasing. There still aren't enough of "us" but they are out there and they tend to those of us who are walking the line. They cover us through the dangers, and believe me, the dangers are real. The best way to describe it, is to imagine yourself in "Night of the Living Dead". The zombies are the dis-eased and they really want to poison you. Then there those who are not zombies, who fight to keep you safe while you walk between those lines and "rescue" pieces. It sounds cheesy, but it isn't a movie. It's one of the realities on the other side.

I did my first house cleaning before Thanksgiving of last year. Spirit had brought this woman into my life for a time and she really needed to settle some energy down in her house. The entity had become malicious toward her and her younger daughter. I was on my own for this, since the only house I have ever cleaned is my own, and I was doing it at a time when I knew that I shouldn't have. But she needed it done and quickly. So I did it and she's been doing very well since then. The home is cleansed of it's negative entity.....I thank my invisible co-pilots and God for that one. God? YES! GOD!

I have been reading a lot. I have a back-log of books that I still need to read. But the truth of the matter is, I want to get back to getting my hands dirty. I haven't journeyed in quite awhile (three days - laughs), I haven't even really meditated in awhile (three months). I've been so wrapped up in trying to get my hands on resources to read......but in the end, it only confirms what I already know how to do....almost by instinct.

I also need to finish my Reiki course so I can get my degree.

I'm still reading a good deal of books pertaining to Buddhism. I find that there is a great deal of peace, love and totality to it that a shaman would require to be totally effective. Mainly, it teaches how to be selfless. I am a selfish person. So, for me to be effective and be a true healer, I must let go of my greed, ego and pride so that I can be a good healer for others. Slowly.....I forget my lessons from time to time......but I am learning.

One lesson that has been brought to my attention lately is change. It's time for me to make changes. The lesson thus far is, we create our own reality and therefore can create change. Here I am.....making changes.....I think I could use a little bit more discipline in my efforts but again, I'm learning!

Also, a like minded person has sought me out. She's one of my co-workers at my new job. We haven't really engaged into a very serious conversation but it's coming.

I will have more lessons from my experiences coming more on a weekly basis. I look forward to sharing what I am learning!

What I'm reading right now: 10 Conversation you must have with your children by Schmuley of Shalom in the Home, Piece by Piece by Tori Amos, Conversations with God by Neale Walsh and the Bible.

Still ahead: The Art of Happiness by His Holiness The Dalai Lama, Life After Death by Deepak Chopra.......and there are three brand new ones on the shelf that I can't remember.

pop

2006-05-24T14:38:00.000-07:00

Imagine yourself as a child lying on your back, gazing up into a cloudless sky, and blowing soap bubbles through a plastic ring. As a bubble drifts up into the sky, you watch it rise, and this brings your attention to the sky. While you are looking at the bubble, it pops, and you keep your attention right where the bubble had been. Your awareness now lies in empty space.

-B. Alan Wallace, "Tibetan Buddhism From the Ground Up"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

One of my new friends taught me something that was so simple, that even a child could do it: wish bubbles. And seeing this, reminded me of that.

So, for this Memorial Weekend, I want everyone to call upon the Wish Faery, pull out your bubbles and blow your cares away!

Be outside wherever you are comfortable.
Make sure the kids have a place to make a mess!
Now get out your super bottle of bubbles!!
Next, imagine your worries, problems and/or stresses into the bubble.
Then blow the bubble and watch the Wind Faery and the Worry Faery carry your troubles away.

This can also be done with a little bottle of bubbles next to a child's bed to take away bad dreams.

I'm learning that being a shaman means I can learn from anything Spirit puts in front of me....even bubbles.

How Buddhism relates to Shamanism ~ my perspective

2006-04-21T21:06:00.000-07:00

One of the wonderful treats on my shamanic path is being able to study world religions. I've found that the Shamans in the rain forests of South America, the Monks in Tibet, the Medicine men/women of old America, the Shamans of Korea, the Buddhist monks of Vietnam and the Bruhas of Mexico all have something very much in common; focused journeys, deliberate meditations and a keen understanding of the Great Beyond.

Even though they practiced different forms of enlightenment, they generally had a common goal to heal Spirit, be it their own or others'. So it is through my fondness of the Buddhists that I bring to you some keen advice while practicing as a Shaman.

* "I urge you not to throw away time, for it's swift as an arrow, fast as a
stream. Distraction is entirely due to lack of concentration; stupidity
and blindness are caused by lack of true knowledge."
-Yung-Ming, "Five Houses of Zen"

Too many times, we loose focus on what our true objective is on our spiritual journey. We get caught up on the mundane nonsense and drama of life or the lives of others. In essence, we throw away valuable time and energy on material things that really do not enhance ourselves spiritually or those around us. We miss out on our higher learning when we get caught up in things that need not be of our business or of our concerns. Don't get me wrong, life DOES happen. But it is our test to remain on task with our spiritual selves, to learn the lessons of life and not waste time criticizing others nor judging them. Otherwise, we're only breeding ignorance.

* "If you concentrate, enter trance, and sit in meditation, focusing on an
objective, setting your mind on awareness and contemplation, practicing
the way like a mechanical mannequin, when will you ever arrive at the
goal?"
-Pao-chih

This quote struck a particular chord with me as I see it too many times where people practice these things from books yet miss the spiritual point all together. They do it to be cool, to be different, to be anything but themselves. they practice until they claim expertise yet never understanding the true spirit, the true goal of what is meant to be learned. It's sad and disheartening to see sheep herd as a flock to an unfulfilled and empty spiritual pasture, never reaching the goal of spiritual enlightenment.

* "All that we are is the result of our thoughts; it is founded on our
thoughts and made up of our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the
world. If you speak or act with a harmful thought, trouble will follow
you as the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart.

All that we are is the result of our thoughts; it is founded on our
thoughts and made up of our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the
world. If you speak or act with a harmonious thought, happiness will
follow you as your own shadow, never leaving you."
-Dhammapada

Thought is a very powerful tool in the Shaman's world. It's the difference between healing someone and not. It is also a powerful tool in life in general. When a person is consumed by negative thought, it creates a negative energy around that person, making being around them very unpleasant. However, one who is filled with pleasant thought, radiates with a healing glow and that person finds that others are drawn to their healing, positive energy. Our thoughts our the difference between successfully becoming spiritually enlightened or proclaiming the sorrowful victimize of being spiritually barren....wallowing in the pit of self-apathy.

* "And better than a hundred years
lived without seeing
the Deathless state, is
one day
lived seeing
the Deathless state."
-Dhammapada, 114, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

Death comes to the Shaman when Spirit is ready for the Shaman to be a Shaman. But it isn't the death that most would assume. It's the death of the old, fragmented spirit, the death of anything perceivably normal. Spirit rips the old from you and replaces you with a new version, Spirit's version of it's great spiritual warrior. It is then that the Shaman can travel between the worlds, seeing the other sides of this dream, living and breathing the deathless state.

* "A good motivation is what is needed: compassion without dogmatism,
without complicated philosophy; just understanding that others are human
brothers and sisters and respecting their human rights and dignities.
That we humans can help each other is one of our unique human
capacities."
-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

I don't need to add anything to that. It is a rule that should be followed whole heartedly while we go forth to heal our brothers and sisters.

And this last quote is for you:

* "Although wishing to be rid of misery,
They run toward misery itself.
Although wishing to have happiness,
Like an enemy they ignorantly destroy it."
-Santideva, "Bodhicaryavatara"

Peace, unity, & destiny

2006-03-27T09:56:00.000-08:00

Send Thy peace O Spirit, which is
perfect and everlasting,
that our souls may radiate peace.

Send Thy peace O Spirit, that we
may think, act and speak harmoniously.

Send Thy peace O Spirit, that we
may be contented and thankful for
Thy bountiful gifts.

Send Thy peace O Spirit, that amidst
our worldly strife, we may enjoy Thy bliss.

Send Thy peace O Spirit, that we
may endure all, tolerate all, in the thought of
Thy grace and mercy.

Send Thy peace O Spirit, that our lives
may become a Divine vision and in Thy light,
all darkness may vanish.

Send Thy peace O Spirit, our Father and Mother,
that we Thy children on Earth may all
unite in one family.

- Hazrat Inayat Khan

Because we all share this planet earth, we have to learn to live in harmony and peace with each other and with nature. That is not just a dream, but a necessity. We are dependent on each other in so many ways that we can no longer live in isolated communities and ignore what is happening outside those communities.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

As in the ocean's midmost depth no wave is born, but all is still, so let the practitioner be still, be motionless, and nowhere should one swell.

-Sutta-nipata, translated by Dines Anderson and Helmer Smith

Ashamed of what's not shameful,
not ashamed of what is,
beings adopting wrong views
go to a bad destination.

Seeing danger where there is none,
and no danger where there is,
beings adopting wrong views,
go to a bad destination.

-Dhammapada, 22, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

Minding your P's and Q's

2006-03-24T21:56:00.000-08:00

Something that I have observed throughout my experiences in the Pagan community (and the world in general) is how Pagans often times pull rank for self-importance. Self-proclaimed High Priests or Priestesses flaunt their authority as if their title made them any more magically inclined. Others who don't have the nerve, know-how, or experience to title themselves as such, will usually find other means to present themselves as better, stronger or a thousand times more victimized then another to again, make themselves more magically inclined.

Through these experiences and many other non-occult related personal experiences, I have developed a keen ability to detect bullshit. 9 times out of 10, I'll call it as I see it. However, learning to avoid those types of battles has made not calling it.......ridiculously annoying!

This brings me to this lesson:

"It is not proper to watch other people. This will not help your practice. If you are annoyed, watch the annoyance in your own mind. If others' discipline is bad or they are not good monks, this is not for you to judge. You will not discover wisdom watching others. A monks' discipline is a tool to use for your own meditation. It is not a weapon to use to criticize or find fault. No one can do your practice for you, nor can you do practice for anyone else. Just be mindful of your own doings. This is the way to practice."

-Ajahn Chah, "Bodhinyana"

And this statement:

"You can only have potential if you have the strength to follow yourself."
My husband

It still annoys me to no end how mindless most of "them" are or how insistently preposterous most of "them" can be for the sake of being better then everyone else. The divide is growing on my path and in many ways it's frustrating to be flying solo. But even Mother Spirit said, "The lessons are not out there. They are in here." as she pointed to my heart. And even though I should be trying to close that gap between "them" and myself, it grows. It pushes me further to be independent of "general consensus".

Yet another lesson on my journeys.......

Know self, know peace

2006-03-22T12:54:00.000-08:00

As long as there is a lack of the inner discipline that brings calmness of mind, no matter what external facilities or conditions you have, they will never give you the feeling of joy and happiness that you are seeking. On the other hand, if you possess this inner quality of calmness of mind, a degree of stability within, then even if you lack various external facilities that you would normally consider necessary for happiness, it is still possible to live a happy and joyful life.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This is one reason why I find such joy in simple things. Practicing this discipline, I find simple places, old towns, walking in the middle (okay not THE middle) of nowhere, watching butterflies, listening to birds or just sitting at a park as things that bring me joy. Or little things like vaccuum cleaner bags or dish soap can be a treat, too. (Don't ask. Really. Don't ask.)

This is one reason why it takes a great deal for me to snap. I've been working on my internal happiness for so long, I find joy in many things and it is difficult to anger me. (Annoying me is easy, but not to anger me.)

However, I am certainly no Master of this discipline. I still have days when I am irritated, hurt, and angered, finding NO joy in anything regardless of what it is. It is during these times that I try to be mindful of my disposition and not allow it to control me.

Practice makes perfect. As long as I'm doing the best I can, it will always be enough. That is what I'm learning on my path right now. =)

Brave soul ~ dumb heart

2006-03-20T11:38:00.000-08:00

So much has been going on in my external world.....as it tends to go.

I don't pay attention to what Spirit or the great guides have to teach me when I'm shut up in my hole. I get internal with my crisis and pay no attention to anything else until it is resolved.

This time....resolution came from Mother Spirit....and my mom.

As I lay in bed, trying to get to sleep, Mother Spirit came to me, hurried and knowing that I needed to "hear" her words.

"Where is your heart, Spirit Walker? You question everything with your mind. You are greedy and hungry yet do nothing with your heart. You desire love and you try to love but you void anything your heart has to say. Where is your heart? Where is you passion? Where is YOUR love?"

I thought about her words. I tried to feel with my heart and not with my gut. I felt .....blank. She pointed to my gut and reminded me that it was there that fueled my drive. "You never use heart. Tonight, that will die. You're old ways will die with you and you will take another step, Spirit Walker to the true passion of your life and existence. You will be a Shaman."

And die I did. Mother spirit took me among people who brought me into a hut. And it was there that my flesh was ripped from my bones. It was there that my bones were burned over fire....cleaned of the remains of what ever clung to my bones. It was in the ash that was blown into my face that came the warmth in my new heart. It was in the fruit she provided that brought the beating of a new heart. The smoke and ashes of the old me were offered up into the sky where Great Spirit watched, acknowledging yet another step on my path for Him.

Her message was clear, "Stop living with the mind of the world and the gut of a starving wounded animal. Live your life with the love and passion for what you are truly meant to be. The battle is never going to be more then what it is meant to be and right now, the battle is you." She pointed out that my lack of "movement" was my fear of not being enough. Oddly, that very topic is what I'm reading about. "You can fill your mind with the books and knowledge of others, you can use your gut to fuel your desire but without love, you will never be enough. You must listen to your heart, to the heart of Spirit and the kind elders around you who guide you through your path. You will never hear OUR message without listening to your heart."

Then the phone rang. It was my mom who had a change of heart, offering to help me out of my crisis. She was telling me that she would pay more then half of the bill that now sat on my door-step, dauntingly keeping me from seeing any alternatives for such neccesities as groceries. I wanted to question her motives, her drive and it was my gut that brought this on.

"No! Spirit Walker, listen to your heart!" The embers burned on, burning new life into a cold and frightened heart while I laid silently in the warm night and listened to the new drumming of an old friend. And then it occured to me that not every motive is a MOTIVE. Sometimes.....there really is nothing more to it then Spirit's heart offering you relief from your pain. Faith in the love of Spirit, faith in the love of heart. A valuable lesson, humbly taught to me by Great Spirit Mother and Great Spirit Father.

I'm not a Shaman but I'm learning. We are our own worst critics and in that, I have found that I turn away from truly taking on the task of helping others or using such big words as Elder or Shaman. But Mother Spirit did advise me that there are things that I can do that only very few Elders know how to do. There are many things that I am empathetic too that very few people are empathetic too. "You are better then you think. And when you realize this with love in your heart for yourself, you will go forward without ego (source from thought) or hunger (source from gut) for things that matter not to what you are truly meant to be."

Wisdon, enlightement and elders

2006-03-19T08:32:00.000-08:00

A head of gray hairs
Doesn't mean one's an elder.
Advanced in years,
One's called an old fool.

But one in whom there is
Truth, restraint,
Rectitude, gentleness,
Self-control--
He's called an elder,
His impurities disgorged,
Enlightened.

-Dhammpada, 19, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

I'm sure that someone out there has asked themselves, "If she's a Shaman, then why is she quoting Buddhism?" Good question. On my path, Spirit has requested some very specific things from me. So in my quest, I have found several different pathes to be of use on this part of my journey. At the moment, Buddhism has a very key element in what I'm trying to learn; self-control, patience, inner-love/peace. But I have also found that it applies to many other aspects of my path. It has meessages to apply to all whom I would come across on my path and how I should be toward them.

Spirit has many ways to communicate and teach it's children. Being that I'm hard-headed, Spirit has choosen a more direct, hard-hitting approach yet still fairly gentle in its delivery; Buddhism. Buddhism to teach me to be a better me.

In my line of travel, I have before me a great battle. I've known this all my life. It calls to my warrior side and my warrior side (that used to be very outgoing) is cowaring in a corner, wishing for it to all go away. My inner child is still searching to be comforted and reassured. My inner-child never grew up and so it's still in there, and it's a very angry and hurt child. I try, but I'm not always enough. So.....I have to learn to be enough. I have to learn to accept my limitations and love myself because in essence, I AM enough and sometimes, more. Once I have accepted myself, I can move forward in accepting my role again.

I'm in my slow dying process. Spirit is taking things away (such as my health) and I have to negotiate around the course....my warrior is being put to the test to see if it will continue to cowar or if it'll stand up and fight. Spirit knows that I'll fight but I wonder if Spirit knows that I'm tired of fighting? Hence my reservations about the fight that is yet to come. Perhaps it is my own spirit who has weakend over time? Maybe it's just lazy? No....I know in my heart that my spirit is not lazy, it is tired and looking for peace.

The Tibetan monks are always at peace and yet always at war. Hence why Spirit has shown me thier path.....so that I too can learn the paradox of being at peace with my battles. Embracing the external and accepting it for what it is and not as anything more or less.

Could you be at peace with your demons when shown to you? Could you be at peace with traveling among the dead to find fragmented souls? Could you be at peace with knowing that you're not going to win the war? Could you be at peace with hearing the things that no one else could hear? Being different? Seeing the future? Could you?

Spirit has been shaping and molding my warior side all my life. When deep down inside, all I've ever wanted was a peaceful, happy life. Even as a child, I wanted somethng that I did not understand but knew existed somewhere on this planet. Yet another voice told me that it wasn't meant to be. And I fought that voice. I've been fighting it all my life. I will not accept "no" as the answer. That is the warrior.

She is selfish, bull-headed, unforgiving, relentless, domineering and often calculating. She is who tells me what is "good" and what is "bad". She is who judges and persecutes.

My inner-child is tired of hearing her commands. She is tired of being alone and lonely. She wants to be held, reassured, coddled, loved, adhored, admired, and she wants to GIVE all of those things. Her little heart is on her sleeve and she is easily hurt. When she is hurt, the warrior comes and says, "I told you so" and proceeds to isolate the child further, to protect her.

And those are only two of me. There are many more sides of me that are at odds with one another. And they all bicker for the betterment of the external me. Can you see where peace would be something of a priority for Spirit to teach me? Where self-love and acceptence is something of a hot commodity? Without all of me being on the same page, nothing can get done and the warrior as well as the others will continue to refuse thier work because they can't agree on what the greater good is.

Buddhism is something we are so far in agreement on. We see it, we understand it, we acknowledge it, we accept it's teachings and we find a few more ways to work together. It validates our purpose as well as Spirit's purpose. The fragmented self, slowly finding it's whole. Then we can breathe easier, and move forward.

Zen thoughts

2006-03-10T11:32:00.000-08:00

Before enlightenment,
I chopped wood and carried water.
After enlightenment,
I chopped wood and carried water.

-Zen saying

Most people I have encountered looking for enlightenment or searching for heightend ability have desperately sought out ways to make their lives easy, almost non-confrontational with the rest of the world by using spells or rituals. They think that those things are the quick and easy answer to all of life's issues and trials but they are not. For it is not in the universe to take responsibility for the person's actions but the person themselves that must take responsibility for their actions and outcomes.

Enlightenment is not for the weak of heart, spirit or mind. It is not for those who fear change or responsibility. It belongs to those who tread on the path less walked upon and graciously accepts the challenges given.

The truly enlightend one knows that it is all about BALANCE of all things; body, spirit, heart and mind. The truly enlightened knows that it is not about them but about the world around them and how everything is connected in all ways.

We do not change the old ways of labor and study for the sake of convenience and expect to learn enlightenment. We only learn to be lazy.

Can you see the milky way?

2006-03-08T13:11:00.000-08:00

A person getting enlightened is like the moon reflecting in the water. The moon does not get wet, the water is not disturbed. Though it is a great expanse of light, it reflects in a little bit of water; the whole moon and the whole sky reflect even in the dew on the grass; they reflect even in a single drop of water. Enlightenment not disturbing the person is like the moon not piercing the water. A person not obstructing enlightenment is like the dewdrop not obstructing the heavens.

-Dogen, "Flowers Fall"

The reality of possessions

2006-03-06T16:43:00.000-08:00

All formations are transient; all formations are subject to suffering; all things are without a self.Therefore, whatever there be of form, of feeling, perception, mental formations, or consciousness, whether past, present, or future, one's own or external, gross or subtle, lofty or low, far or near, one should understand according to reality and true wisdom: 'This does not belong to me; this am I not; this is not my Self.'

-Anguttara Nikaya and Samyutta Nikaya

I love this quote because it truly re-iterates what it is the Shaman does in their daily lives. Everything they deal with is transient, everything they work with is not of this world and is not for their keeping.

We come to an understanding that what makes most of the world "go-round" does not make us do the same for we are often more aware of things that are not seen on this plane and therefor we disassociate with material objects that would "identify" ourselves in society. Rather we choose ourselves, our inner-selves, to use as an indentification and it is expressed through our work as Shamans.

I love trees

2006-03-04T21:43:00.000-08:00

As a tree with strong uninjured roots, though cut down, grows up again, so, when deep craving is not rooted out, suffering arises again and again.

-Dhammapada

In other words, to kick bad habits, you must remove the core of its existence from within yourself. Only then can you be rid of the re-occurance of so many aiments.

Have I mentioned I love trees?

True existence and understanding

2006-03-03T15:56:00.000-08:00

"In every direction," said the Buddha, "above, below, around, and within, you see things you know and recognize. Put them down. Do not let consciousness dwell on the products of existence and things that come and go, for there is no rest of relief there. When you understand that by taking the objects of the world for granted as total reality, you are tied to the world, then this understanding will release you from your dependence on objects and will stop your craving and your desire for constant becoming. Then you can let go your hold and engage with things as they are, instead."-Sutta Nipata

Don't go by gossip and rumor, nor by what's told you by others, nor by what you hear said, nor even by the authority of your traditional teachings. Don't go by reasoning, nor by inferring one thing from another, nor by argument about methods, nor from liking an opinion, nor from awe of the teacher and thinking he must be deferred to.Instead, when you know from within yourselves that certain teachings are not good, that when put into practice they lead to loss and suffering, you must then trust yourselves and reject them.-Anguttara Nikaya

So here I go.....You've been warned.

2006-02-21T15:36:00.000-08:00

I've been studying shamanism for a very long time but never knew that THAT was what I was studying nor seeking answers for until recently (within the last two years). With all the information that I am learning now, I have found that it is getting to be too heavy to carry alone or inside and since I really don't feel comfortable mixing my spiritual path in to my personal rants.....(that just seems to defeat the purpose of spirit)....I figured I would separate them.

Now...I know that I should not separate myself in such ways....because separation of self is something we shamans patiently teach as being non-constructive but for me, to have both my personal non-spiritual babblings and insecurities mixed in with my spiritual findings sort of discredits my over-all goal to the reader and THAT is not something I want to do. I don't want to come across as a hypocrite....(even though that may still be the case if they read both of my blogs).

So note to readers: I am human. I have feelings, insecurities, mood swings and fears. I am still learning on my path and working toward my goal of being a healing shaman and not just a changing/learning shaman. This is my journey and I invite you along in hopes that I may help you on your path or the path of someone you know. This is also my attempt to keep record of my experiences so that I may have a record of my progress or lack there of.

Welcome to the Springtime of my Voodoo. =)

TEST

2006-02-20T21:35:00.000-08:00